I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
