two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
