I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize