can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
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Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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