i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Sober January is a disaster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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