haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize