You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
