Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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