Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
