She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My ass is underappreciated
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
