Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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