So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
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