So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
