So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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