lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
why is half of my head shaved?
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