i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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