I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
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I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
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I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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