did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
