is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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