oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
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I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
you had me at cake vodka
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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