I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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