Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Your face is a jimmy john
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You're breaking my sexual little heart
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
