Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
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