i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
