You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
