Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Randomize
