i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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