I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
