drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's blow job season.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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