Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
