You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
