I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
