It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
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She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
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I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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