the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
