I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
