New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
