I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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