we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I stole a fireplace last night.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
