I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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