Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
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