oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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