just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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