Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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