i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
