God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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