I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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