I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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