So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
