My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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