Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
