And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
