Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
