We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
