you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
