you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
